An Open Letter to the Spouse Who Wants Out: Don't Leave Anything on the Table

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A popular speaker, Emma presented at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. But I do think that sometimes you have to make sacrifices to start rebuilding your life and moving on.

This is where you often get the real meat, if she says something crazy like, Yes. You actually have to make the changes and then let her see and experience those changes for herself when you interact with her on the phone and in person not via text, e-mail or letter. Best regards, Freddy Posted by: FreddyFromSweden Hi Patty My wife and I have been separated for 3 years we see each other virtually everyday she stays at her aunts and I stay at the family home.

What to Do if Your Wife Leaves You

You have been trying to increase the intimacy in your marriage, and you truly believed that your relationship was getting better. But, your instinct has failed you terribly. Your wife has indicated that she wants to leave the marriage. You feel helpless and frustrated. You had no idea things were this bad. The fear, the uncertainty, and the rejection consume you. You know a man should not cry, but you cannot stop crying. But, why does she want a divorce. But, they have their owns reasons to end relationships. You are not present, and your wife feels that you take her for granted. Someone could come and sweep your wife off her feet, right under your nose and you will never notice. Mistreating or controlling her unknowingly Your wife feels that you are mistreating her either mentally or physically. She can also think that you are controlling. She has lost the respect she had for you, and she is no longer happy in the relationship. Your love life has become too routine, and there is nothing there that excites her anymore. Women get easily sick and tired of unhappy marriages A woman will eventually get sick and tired of being in an unhappy marriage, and she will leave. If you want your wife to stay with you forever, you must continue working at being the sort of man that she wants to stay with for life. First things first — is your wife just testing you or is she serious about leaving. Sometimes, your wife will threaten to leave you to see if you will fight for her. Or she feels that life has become boring and the relationship has fallen into a rut. She knows that threatening to leave is the wakeup call you need to make an effort to make her feel like the sexy woman she was at the beginning. You need to determine whether things have become boring in your relationship or if she is serious about leaving you. But what if your wife is serious about leaving the marriage. According to divorce analystthere are often many indications of problems in the relationship, but one spouse will not want to see them or acknowledge that the marriage is in danger. The following telltale signs will help you determine whether your wife is serious about wanting to leave the relationship — 1. Quits arguments She stops arguing with you. You have been bickering about certain issues for years, but she has suddenly stopped. This is a clear sign that your wife has thrown in the towel. Changed priorities What to do when your wife wants to leave spends more time with her friends and family members than before and less with you. You have been replaced with other people as her primary comfort and friend. Cared less about future plans She has stopped caring about future plans — holidays, vacations, home repairs. She no longer envisions a future with you. Growing interest in new things She has embarked on sudden new changes: significant weight loss, plastic surgery, new wardrobe. These are indications of a new lease of life without you. Secretive about her contacts She is secretive about her phone messages, emails, and texts. She may be having important correspondence with her lawyer or real estate agent. The sudden interest in family finances She has developed a sudden interest in your family finances after leaving the money issues to you for the better part of your marriage. Intercepting financial and legal documents She is intercepting your financial or legal documents. The documents that were always mailed to you have stopped, and your wife has signed up to receive them instead. Can you save your marriage, alone. Your wife wants to leave, but you have not given up on your marriage. Further, marriage counselors indicate that many partners work tirelessly on their own and in therapy to save their relationships. Understandably, your first reaction is to plead for a second chance. However, begging is the most unattractive thing you can do right now. You will look weak, needy and desperate and there is nothing sexy about this image of a man. Women are attracted to emotional strength in men. They are instinctively drawn to a man with self-respect and the ability to cope with a stressful situation. Falling in pieces in front of your wife, hoping to change her mind will make her pull away even more. It is a huge turn off for her. You must maintain your dignity even in the midst of this emotionally difficult situation. The goal — you need to make your wife want you again Right now, your goal is not to make your wife stay. It is to make her want you again. Always keep this goal in mind. Be confident, decisive and optimistic as you try to win your wife over. You cannot convince your wife to stay in the marriage You cannot use arguments to convince your wife to stay in the marriage. You also cannot guilt her into staying with you. You can never make your wife stay no matter how persuasive or convincing you are. You can only give your wife enough incentive to make the marriage more appealing to her than the choice to leave. Understand your wife The first step in saving your marriage is understanding why your wife wants out. This is the only way you can hope to chip away at the wall she has built around her heart. Show empathy and acknowledge that your wife is miserable in the relationship. How does your wife perceive your marriage. Take responsibility You must take ownership for things that you may have done to push your wife to this point. When you realize how you hurt her, apologize for the pain that your actions have caused. When your apology is sincere, it will what to do when your wife wants to leave some of the barriers between you and your wife. Let your actions speak Figure out what your wife needs from you to start seeing you and your relationship differently. Your attraction and love can regrow when you do things that demonstrate to your wife that she can trust you again. Show your wife that you understand and accept her, over, and over again. Your trustworthy actions and consistency will win her trust. The way to do this is to reawaken the courtship that bore your marriage in the first place. So, flirt with your wife and court her. Remember the man that your wife fell in love with — what did he do. Bring this man back from the dead. With time, if you do things right, you will make your wife desire you more than separation. Do not aim to have the relationship you had with your wife. Every mature relationship should grow in perfect synchronization to the growth and maturity of the partners. As such, consider this relationship a fresh start. Make your wife feel that the new relationship is truly a do-over. You won her over once — you can do it again. Randy has been speaking to men who are on the brink of divorce for over 4 years. Randy Skilton created the website to help women get the most out of their marriages and husbands. He has a Advanced Diploma in Social Science and a Graduate Diploma in Technology Education.

Before you clam up and get all defensive on me, hear me out: Neglect sounds like a terrible word, but remember that neglect can come in many forms. Ideally, you and your wife should tell your children together. Your car just failed inspection, but it still runs. Her father recently died so she left the state to help her mother settle some affairs. Menu Comment Everything I do just seems to drive him further away. We learned today that my brother is having that child. I'm learning communicating with women in a totally different way I have never even imagined. If you don't have your best interests in mind, no one does.